My Wedding Week....A Running Diary Part 1

Saturday night around 9:00 p.m. I fell asleep not to wake up for another 12 hours. I drank 7 or 8 too many Bud Lights on Friday night resulting in my Saturday being spent doing nothing but watching 2nd Round of the NCAA Tournament. After just reading that sentence over I don’t think I would change a thing. That was a well spent day! Since I got plenty of sleep on Saturday night I woke up on Sunday with a little extra bounce in my step. Celia & I had previously entertained the idea of leaving for Iowa a few days earlier than planned but had not yet solidified a decision. When we woke up on Sunday it was settled, we were leaving........Only if we could be ready by noon. It was 12:45 p.m. when we stepped out the door and I should have thrown in the towel right there.

It is often believed that your gut feeling, that first initial thought is your best, most concise thought you have. Mine was, leave by noon or do not leave at all. Reason being is the drive typically takes about 8 hours; and with a infant on board extra time in the car is comparable to an extra hour with your pants around your ankles waiting for the doctor to grace you with his presence. Sorry, slight tangent there. Well I bend the rules a little bit and think no harm no foul. The foreshadowing here is thunderously loud as something tragic is bound to happen. Just once more for good measure, we left Radcliff, KY at 12:45 p.m.

We get gas at 1:00 p.m. at the local Wal Mart and drive through the Wilson Gate to enter Fort Knox. I had left our portable DVD player in my office and wanted to grab it for the trip to help pass the time. Got it! I hop back in the car and we are on our way. Or so I thought.

"Did you grab the camera?" I asked.
"No. I thought you did." Celia replied.
"No I never did, I couldn’t find it. Let’s go back to the apartment and get it."
On our way back to the apartment I realized I did not have my ATM card either.

"By the way, we forgot the ATM card too. That would have sucked."

About 1:30 p.m. we get back to our apartment and begin looking for the camera. No luck; this thing wasn’t anywhere to be found. We look a few more minutes and decide to give up and hop back in the car with hopes of finally beginning. I look at the clock and it is now 1:45 p.m. We would have been on the road more than an hour, halfway to Indianapolis and here we were, just leaving our apartment. One hour and forty five minutes later than we planned.

About 2:00 p.m. Jadon passes out with his bottle in his mouth. Priceless.

A bit later we were on the Gene Snyder Freeway in Louisville and began watching Super Bad when we noticed our attachable speakers didn’t work. We pull in to a local Big K Mart and pick up some AAA batteries and some headphones. Our logic told us this would be 15 minutes top and we would be on the road. We were right and it was back to the road.

About 3:00 p.m. we were crossing over into Indiana and again Jadon was passed out begging for his picture to be taken. Since we couldn’t find our camera I reached for my phone. Shit! I can’t find my phone. I grab Celia’s phone and call it........NOTHING! Five minutes go by; I call it again......NOTHING!

"Baby I don’t know what to tell you. Your phone was right there when you got in the car. It has to be in here." Celia said.

"Celia, you would hear my phone ring if we called it. I bet I dropped in the K Mart parking lot."
"I don’t think you did, it has to be in here....."
"God damn it. My phone just called your phone."
Here it was, 3 hours after we planned on leaving and we just crossed in to Indiana and now had to back track 25 miles to go to K Mart. Celia’s eyes could have burned a hole through me! I finally get my phone and was informed that after 3 1/2 hours and 35 miles traveled it is now my turn to drive.

What a day. Losing so much time the only logical thing to do is when a new driver takes seat is to pick up the speed in attempts to make up any time. Now while the foreshadowing here is getting busted by the local coppers I am happy to say that was not the case. I indeed made up time. Lots of it. I did too, until I got to mile marker 40 just barely in to Indiana.

We were at the tale end of Super Bad when the two friends were lying in their sleeping bags telling each other how much they loved each other. "I just want to shout it from my roof top! I love you!" That scene is an all time comedy classic. Right about there you can hear the tire go flat. SHIT! The word "shit" was used a good number of times yesterday.

I pull off on I-65 and examine the flat tire. Rear passenger and I had pulled over in the left lane of the interstate. There’s no way I’m going to survive this tire change. Some religious sap all sauced up from an Easter dinner was destined to take me out. Happy Easter to Andrew, Celia and Jadon!

Just to recap, we have a flat tire 40 miles in to Indiana at 4:45 p.m. and are hoping to get a tire changed. We hope to get a tire changed. We hope to get a tire changed on (1) a Sunday, (2) Easter Sunday and (3) at 5:00 p.m. or later. Are you out of your mind? No place in America would service us under those conditions.

Just for the crap of it we drove to exit 50B at the North Vernon/Seymor exit and found a local Wal Mart. There was hope! Wal Mart had some of the worst working conditions known to man. If any corporation would succumb their Tire & Lube employees to working past 5:00 p.m. on Easter Sunday it would have to be Wal Mart right? BINGO! Wal Mart kept their employees there until 6:00 p.m. 6:00 P.M.!!!!! On Easter Sunday Tire & Lube workers were on the clock until 6:00 p.m. I thought only Interstate Porn Stores had more ridiculous hours than that; I was wrong.

As soon as we began talking to the representative we couldn’t help but telling our story. For starters, what are the chances anybody would have been working? Seriously stop and consider the situation. Only Wal Mart!!!! However we began telling our story about attempting to travel back to Iowa to get married, love conquers all, the whole 9 yards. Whatever we said worked because we got our tire changed and were on our way.

Once back in the car something didn’t sit right with me. That was the vulnerability of our situation and how exploitable it was. I began driving and started to think that in a few days/weeks some advertising associate who has ties to Wal Mart would contact me and want to use our story for the new summer commercial.

Imagine this, a soft voice begins talking: "It was Easter Sunday when bad luck bit this family traveling across country. They were traveling back home to celebrate their love for one another when suddenly their tire went flat. They thought they were doomed. Who would help them on Easter Sunday? Then they went to Wal Mart and found our employees eagerly waiting to assist them on their magical voyage.

I mean our story was a Hallmark version for a Wal Mart commercial for the ages. So do not be surprised if you see this story pop up down the road.

And after that I am happy to say that we did not encounter any more problems. We finally rolled into Monroe around 12:15 a.m. That is nearly 4 hours and 15 minutes longer than it normally would have. Oh wait, I forgot we lost an hour crossing times zones. So make it 5 hours and 15 minutes late. And that was only Sunday. Only God knows what the rest of my wedding week will bring. Until I update you all again I want to leave you with some words of wisdom from my good friend Vanilla Ice.

"If my rhyme was a drug I’d sell it by the gram." That’s very deep stuff.


Andrew